Who pays for the drinks?

When i was young i grew up practically by my grandparents who lived in the city centre of Antwerp, i still remember the smell of the city early in the morning, i remember the frost sometimes on our windows we tried scraping off, i remember how i woke up to the smell of scrambled eggs or pancakes entering the kitchen and giving my grandfather and grandmother a big kiss good morning.

My grandfather and grandmother were the sort of couple that met each other right after the 2nd world war had ended, they had both lost family and friends in the war but were always optimistic about the future.

My grandfather working at the Antwerp harbour, my grandmother was a housekeeper for a family living nearby where they lived in northern Antwerp.

My grandfather and grandmother would go out almost every evening dancing to Tony Bennet, they would stop at a fish market to eat something for breakfast and start their day working, and they would sleep when they come back home in the afternoon.

Even though they had a hard life, they had worked hard to have everything they asked for, holidays in Spain, Diamond necklaces (my grandmother was a big fan of heavy jewellery) my grandfather would love music and would buy a vinyl player and some scotch to accompany with the music.

But from all the memories they gave me the one thing is remember the most is the way they loved each other, my grandfather would move mountains for my grandmother and vice versa, nothing was too much, they mentioned they had their rough spots in their marriage but they always worked their way out of it, together, listening to Tony Bennet was their favourite time passing activity, and if i’d play Tony Bennet in the car with my grandmother she would still dance, and tell me about the good old days. When she would  go out in the evening, for a night on the town, in small dance cafes, drinking wine or beer and having the best of times.

To me they were perfect role model, i would look up to them, i would always look for a love like they’ve had. This passionate, can’t live without each other love.

My dad who is a lot like my grandfather as well always gave me certain life tips and dating tips, one day he said if a guy ever asks you to explain your worth to him, you have to utterly walk away, but even on first and 2nd dates, he made me promise i would never pay for the bill. And i feel like there’s some confusion about who pays for the bill nowadays in modern dating i feel like some woman see it as a weakness if a guy pays for them, i know guys that would use the phrase ‘independent woman’ as an excuse that we have to pay for their share, which i don’t think is true, i don’t think a woman has to, i think if you’re a guy and you have sincere intentions with a woman, you should treat her as such, you should wine and dine her, you should show her a good time, because that’s the least you can do.

I feel like there may be some woman that would feel more comfortable with paying their own share, but it has been my experience that whenever a guy asked me to pay for my share they were usually not so much worth my time, they wouldn’t understand where my passion for old school dating comes from, they would tell me ‘why would i need to pay for you’?, like my date said yesterday… I honestly don’t have enough time to sum up why, but if he claims to be a gentleman the least thing he can do is to pay the bill.

But he made me feel like i did something very wrong by making him pay for it, and so i asked the opinion for my friends on this matter, their honest day to day advice, ‘paying on dates’ who does what?

26 year old female friend: ‘Please don’t date these sort of guys. (valuable advice i must say).

25 year Old male friend: If a guy asks you out, he should either pay without mentioning it to you, or tell you at the beginning of the evening that he like to split the bill, and see your reaction before you have dinner, it is rude to wait until the very last minute and then propose her to pay for her share.

34 year old male friend, ‘I never ask a girl to pay for her share, especially not on the 1st/2nd or 3rd date, i have however dated woman in the past that insisted after the 4th or 5th date that they like to pay the bill this time so in that case i let them. But otherwise no.

(Note. This is only meant dating wise, not if you go out with friends, if you go out with friends there’s no issue spitting bills or paying for the bill this time and let them pay the next round).

“I enjoy dating. I love first dates. I think they’re incredibly fascinating studies in human psychology. When you sit down across from someone on a first date and things are going alright, you talk objectives. We want to win each other over, so how do you win someone over? You have to put the best foot forward”. Chris Pine


5 thoughts on “Who pays for the drinks?

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  1. Being a male and I having had quite a few life experiences, I have always wondered what it may be like, being a female, on the receiving end of a date proposition. If I was a female it would all depend if i liked, or liked the look of that person, if I had only just met him. How do you decide to say YES? Who knows what they may be thinking and how do you decide what is the best option? Call it intuition, a gut feeling or chemistry? Personally, I am in the camp of the latter, but whatever choice one makes it can be for the good, or otherwise.
    An interesting concept!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Jeff, I guess it depends a lot on how you feel with someone, it is my experience that whenever i date someone and that someone asks me if we can split the bill it is a bit of a turnoff for me especially on the first or second date, after those i’ll be happy to pay but in those crucial first dates i always appreciate it if the guy arranges it. I know some woman would find that old fashion but it goes together with my love for Tony Bennet music 😉


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