Strong woman.

To all the strong woman…

My sister called me last autumn asking to get together more often for a few drinks or a lunch, the lunches turned into movie nights, and into sleepovers…It was nice being able to spend more time with my sister on a regular basis.

My sister got married on an early age 8 years ago, she had turned 18, and the husband and i did not get along to say the least, we didn’t like each other, and he forced my sister into almost having no contact with me during those years. After a few evenings that we’ve spend together i would bring her back home, and i noticed that she got very nervous everything we got near to where she lived, he would send her text messages saying she’s a terrible mother for going to the movies, and that she’s bad, a bad woman in general… once we were close to their house, one evening and she got a complete panic attack, i  brought her to the hospital, that’s where we found out (my mom and i) that she was covered in bruises..She was also extremely underweight and very pale.

Shortly after that i had a long conversation with my sister, soon into the conversation she admitted she got beaten up on a daily basis for a variety of stupid reasons according to him, she told me how fast he got mad at her for stupid things, if she closes the living room door, if she has to work late he would beat her up even more, not even their 3 children got spared from him… When he thought he had not hurt my sister enough he would beat the children while my sister had to watch him doing it, she fought but he had friends and when my sister didn’t wanna listen he would tell her to stop doing it or otherwise he would hurt the children even more.

One day he got so mad, he was beating the 3 children and my sister and locked them inside a closed room for days, my sister went to the police many many times, but since the doctor they had was a friend from him she never got a report from the doctor stating the vile things he had done to them, she went to the hospital after these things had happened but the hospital called her husband, and he came to the hospital and when he did he told her if you say anything i will hurt you and the children even more once we get home.

She went to the police many many times, they told her that if she doesn’t have proof they couldn’t help her. She saw no way out, she thought this is what she must endure for the children’s sake to keep them safe.

It wasn’t until my oldest niece started talking about all the horrible things she saw her father doing to her mom, we went to the police, and they made an official rapport finally.

That night i brought her to a hotel in the capital of Belgium, i figured she was safe there, he kidnapped the children in the meantime, we went to the police to report it, we were so scared for their lives, and the police at first didn’t wanted to help us because they said a father has the right to take their children on a holiday when he feels like it. When i told them the full story that’s when they filed a rapport to him with regards to kidnapping he’s own children.

It took weeks/months before we got any news from the children, it was one of the hardest weeks in our entire lives, not knowing were they were was the worst nightmare anybody could possibly go through.

We stayed living in a safe house, and in the meantime we took legal actions, we went to a lawyer and he started a legal procedure in getting the children back to us.

The legal procedure took a lot of time, and finally we got a date set that he had to come to court, at that time the children were missing for 2 months.

the judge listened to my sister testifying what happened and the judge started crying in the courtroom and ruled in our favour, that moment was one of the most emotional moments of my life…We thought finally! the nightmare is over…

it took another 4 weeks to get the judge’s word in an official statement with the verdict signed by the members of the courtroom and the judge.

After 4 weeks we got the papers and we could officially go to the police to make them look for them, they looked everywhere, they blocked the children’s passport, checked on all the borders, but nowhere was there a car like he’s crossing the border or a plane with them as a passenger, they looked all over Belgium for days but without any success. Except for the youngest boy, they found out he had Adam the youngest boy living with him in Belgium, the 2 eldest kids were nowhere to be found,

They couldn’t take the youngest boy away from him yet because they first had to find the 2 eldest as well, because of the father’s nature they were scared he would harm the children if they took away the youngest one in the meantime.

It took many many nerve wrecking hours/days that they had arrested him and made him to tell where the other children were. Finally he gave in and confessed that the children got taken in a car from a friend of him to Spain, to where he’s parents live.

The legal procedure to get the verdict of the Belgian judge to be a fully European verdict took a long time, in that time we had to wait patiently until we got a call from either the police or our lawyer, the nerves got too much and we got on a plane to Spain, we went to the police here, to judges, courthouses, anybody that could help us. They all laughed…These were some of the most frustrating days, the Spanish government claimed that since it is a case from Belgium, they cannot do anything without a notice from the Belgian minister, we called and emailed the Belgian embassy in Spain, we told our story and they advised us to call the Belgian bureau of foreign affairs, i had to send the judge’s verdict to them and within 16 hours i got a reply that they were gonna contact our lawyer and contact the Spanish authorities.

2 days we got a call from our lawyer, the future ex husband signed a document stating he  distanced himself from the children, and finally we got a date set on which we could pick up the children. That morning we went to the house, we ringed the bell, and they started shouting bad things to us, it wasn’t until i heard my niece and nephew going down the stairs that i was overwhelmed by joy…That feeling we all had right there is indescribable…The nightmare was over…Finally.

We’re two months later and the children and my sister have never been happier, the children go to a nice school, they get psychological support, they made new friends, and it’s then when we pick them up from school and they run towards us, and they say ‘i’m so happy to be with you all’ that’s the moment when all of the nightmares, and all of the hard times we went through make it all more than worth it.

The divorce is set to get a verdict by the judge next month,

To all the strong woman out there, if you’re in the same relationship like my sister was or in an even worse one,…Know that there is a way out, there always is, even when you feel like there isn’t, believe me…There is. I’ve never seen my sister happier and more healthy than how she is now, she tells me everyday how glad she is that she took the step and got rid of the toxic relationship she was living in. If she can do it, so can you.

We got so much help and support from people we didn’t even know, people that were touched by all that was happening and that offered to help us with the small stuff and the big stuff. Words cannot express my gratitude towards everybody that helped us, the police officers, the Belgian government, the Belgian minister of foreign affairs…

 

 

 

Let’s talk about sex,

Let’s talk about sex,

Let’s talk about sex by salt-n-pepa was released in August 1991 the song peaked at nr 1 in countries all around the world, the song is about the good and the bad things about sex.

We are 26 years later and talking about sex nowadays is still pretty much a taboo, out of the 15 closest friends that i have i can only talk about vibrators and orgasms with 3 of them, which is to say the least a bit sad, the weird thing is, my other friends are interested in talking about sex but somehow feel dirty talking about it.

Why feel dirty?, everybody has sex, everybody should have sex, and talking about it is very important, the good and the bad, talking about how to reach certain high levels in the bedroom is essential for any good relationship to keep on being great, it does surprise me that most of my friends who are in a relationship don’t really talk about sex with their partners either, i remember having a conversation with my sister, i asked her if she ever had an orgasm, and her reply was ‘i don’t know, i think so, i’m married so i must’ve had it at some point’ that’s such a misunderstanding, how can being married being the same as having a great sex life and getting orgasms, i don’t think so…

Many married couples that i know, all tell me the same thing, they don’t feel like they’re getting enough attention in the bedroom or enough foreplay, or afterplay, but they’re afraid to tell their husband/wife…

But when a book came out that explicitly talks about sex, and bondage and s&m the whole world goes to the stores to buy it, i’ve found fifty shades of grey books everywhere, at my grandmothers, at my friend who told me she doesn’t have any sex, at my best friend’s house who claimed he never read it, pretty much everywhere i went i found one or two of these books laying around, at the beach, at their house, in their car, in their backpack, it was everywhere… And when i went to see the movie at the theatre i saw most woman giggling, and making fun of what was being played in front of them, when i asked my friend what she thought about the movie, she replied ‘it’s a movie about sex, what is there to say?’.

There is this misconception that having sex is a bad thing, and that talking about it is equally as bad, it’s 2017 we should all get a grip, and don’t be so amazed by it anymore, it’s just sex, there’s nothing wrong with it, and never will there be something wrong with it. It’s a great way to connect with someone on a deeper level, boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, best friend… These days there are so many options and so many things we can do with it, and i believe that the idea of doing it being a bad thing should be locked in a drawer somewhere and should never be taken out of the drawer again, it’s 2017 relax, enjoy your body, enjoy your partner’s or friend’s body. Connect with each other on a deeper level. It may actually save relationships and marriages.

Motherlove 

Motherlove 

I’ve always had the impression that motherlove was the same kind of love we all share in having for our loved ones. For the people that we cherish and that we care for. 

But it wasn’t until 7 years ago, while i was visiting my grandmother and my sister was staying for a few days as well that I realised how deep my motherlove really is. 

My sister was a new mummy, like me, we had never taken care of a baby before and pretty much everything we did was a new experience. My sister sort of got a depression after giving birth in which she asked me to look after my niece for a few days. 

I remember thinking… oh god i cannot do this, i’m not trained to do this, i don’t know how to do everything. I knew that i would do everything i could but i sometimes failed to see how. 

Having a baby is a very demanding experience, don’t get me wrong though… i absolutely adore babies! And i really want some of my own one day too. 

But it wasn’t until those days with my niece that i realised just how much of a 24/7 it really is, after 7 weeks i was exhausted, the waking up in the middle of the night to give her another bottle, the sleeping 4 hours in a night sort of sleep, the nappies, having to walk around slowly with her to make her fall asleep slowly on my shoulder, making sure she will burp before falling asleep. 

But in between the burps and the nappies and the lack of sleep… my heart filled itself with soo much love. It is indescribable. Before my niece came into my life i didn’t know i had the ability to love someone this deeply…. 

I knew from the minute that she was born that there was no mountain too high, no ocean too big and nobody strong enough that would ever stop me from loving her.

She’s 7 almost 8 years old right now and when my sister and i meet each other she will come running towards me, hugging me, kissing me. Her smile lights up my day/life. And there is no place i’d rather be unless it’s right beside her. She is the cutest little girl i have ever known… she makes my heart skip a beat when i see her and nothing comes close to the love i feel for her. 

I have a sneaky feeling that this is what motherlove is all about… loving someone so unconditionally…. so unlimited… so unlike any other love i have ever experienced. She makes me whole… she makes me who i am each and every day and i could not imagine my life without her.mm

While i was writing this blog my sister called me, she said Yasmine would like to talk to you… 

Me: ‘Hello’ Yamine: ‘Kelly i miss you so much please back come soon’. My heart melts…. and i keeps on melting… 
Light reflects from your shadow

It is more than I thought could exist

You move through the room

Like breathing was easy

If someone believed me

They would be

As in love with you as I am

They would be

As in love with you as I am

They would be

As in love with you as I am

They would be

In love, love, love. THE XX Angels 

Sisterlove part 2 

Sisterlove part 2 

My sister is in a very bad relationship. The sort of relationship everybody would advice you to walk away from, she didn’t walk away but walked straight in it.

Apart from her boyfriend not being a very nice guy due to multiple reasons. The relationshop they have is a very toxic one, he beats her, humiliates her, hurts her every way possible… i know it sounds crazy that she stays with him.
It’s late in the evening when my sister texts my mom saying she feels bad, she has stomachache, headache and doesn’t feel like doing anything and she feel extremely weak. She’s been diagnosed by a doctor the day before he said it was just a food poisoning but it sounds more like she’s having a breakdown. 

I feel like i want to take her pain away, to give her a happy life and show her relationships can be beautiful and healthy and that they don’t have to be like he told her they are. Even though i’m in Paris right now, if she would ask me to come over back to Belgium i would drop everything and go and see her. 

She’s blind by love, but by the most evilist kind and it breaks my heart not being able to tell her face to face without her getting mad at me, or without us getting into a fight because no matter what happens she will always choose he’s side… 

Miss Belgium

Miss Belgium

About two year ago my friends signed me up for the miss Belgium competition, about 5 months after they had send my photo with a motivation letter i got an email from the organisation telling me i was invited to the casting day the week after in a nearby hotel in Flanders. At first i was not happy at all that my friends did this, and most importantly that they did this behind my back. But i couldn’t stay mad at them, i know they didn’t meant it in a bad way.

2 weeks later it was the casting day, arriving in the reception of the hotel there was a huge table with names of the invited girls, who was already inside, and who they were still expecting. I went over to the table, i gave my id card and in return i got a number, i was Kelly, number 26 from Schilde, a village right next to Antwerp.

Next thing they made all of us sit around big round tables in the lobby of the hotel, there were 3 big tables just for miss Antwerp, (Note, when entering the miss Belgium competition you automatically have to represent your city first, and if you win either 1st, 2nd, or 3rd place in that competition you’ll be able to go to Miss Belgium). In total there were 78 pre selected girls waiting until they heard their names being called to go inside the room where the jury would interview you with ex mis Belgium’s and members of the press. I didn’t care so much for the whole competition until that moment, that’s when i got very nervous, i saw all of these beautiful girls and i felt honoured they already pre selected me, thinking i could compete with them.

I wore a black pencil skirt with a white short sleeve top and some sexy heels underneath it, my hair was in a bun and i did my lipstick in a bright red shade.

After 2 hours of waiting in the lobby, talking to the other girls it was my turn, i remember thinking, either you get it or you don’t, don’t stress, try staying focused and give great answers to what they’ll be asking you.

I closed my eyes, walked a few steps, and thought, confidence in 1,2,3…. and go!

There i was in front of 3 tables put together with in total 27 people of the jury staring at me, ‘So Kelly, what brought you to enter this competition?,

25 Minutes later i walked out and felt relieved it was over, i had to go back to the lobby and wait for the results.

After another hour a member of the jury came back, and one by one announced the girls that will be participating and right at the end he said…’And last but not least, miss number 26’.

I couldn’t believe it, i didn’t think it was real, until i double checked with the member of the jury, ‘Are you sure you mean me when you said number 29” ‘Of course’ he said, ‘Who else would it be’ and he left, got our contracts, and a agenda page with a detailed list of all the events we had to attend.

I was in between working and studying, when i got the email that we would be having a press conference in 2 months time, everybody from the Belgian press would be there, including celebrities, famous bands and singers, models, famous Belgians…

And we had to perform a catwalk, in both bikini and evening gown, i was starting to become nervous about that, but i kept thinking to myself ‘I can do this’.

The day arrived of the press conference, i was excited and nervous at the same time, i already done many catwalks and photoshoots in the past so i was more excited to know what it would be like this time on a stage like this, in one of the biggest and most famous nightclubs of Flanders. One by one they called us on stage, and we had to say our name and number and which province we came from in front of a huge crowd, all of the miss Antwerp girls had agreed that when one of us entered the stage we would crazy enthusiastic about each other, we got mixed with the different provinces, and we were able to stand in front of the stage every time a girl from Antwerp came on stage to cheer and clap for her. By the end of the evening the 32 girls from Antwerp became really close friends, we became one of the closest groups in the competition.

When it was time for the actual election night, 2 months later, we sort of all knew who was going to win, we had heard about the pre elections and we knew already who managed to enter the top 5, in between the press conference and the election i went to Australia, which made my chances to enter the top 5 pretty slim, because i had missed on a variety of pubic events in those two months which is was normally supposed to attend.

Before the election we had 3 days to rehearse our dance on stage, how to enter the catwalk one by one after each other, it wasn’t difficult but it was hard to get all of the girls including 2 other provinces who were having their elections at the same time on stage all together, doing the dance we had to do, and knowing when to walk on stage.

I did not particularly like it so much, i preferred the modelling industry a lot more, because i felt like it was more honest, and it also left more room for imagination, i loved posing as a model but in the miss competition i wasn’t allowed to pose like a mode, i had to pose like a miss, which is so much harder.

In the end, i was very happy it was over, i don’t regret participating, i’m honoured and glad that i’ve been able to participated, i met a lot of new people during that time. And i’ve made a lot of new friendships as well.

But would i do it again?, No. but i’m very glad i did it once in my life, and i thank the organisation for giving me the opportunity.

It also taught me a lot about myself, and i got some really beautiful friendships out of it, and until this very day when i see my ribbon, saying ‘candidate of miss Antwerp for miss Belgium 2016’ I feel proud that i’ve done it.

 

 

 

IMG_4060

Wo-Men

Wo-Men

Because i am a woman i get comments from random guys or even girls telling me to cover up, i know people who claimed that if you go out in a miniskirt you’re basically asking for it, i have friends who say that belittling woman is not so bad since it’s all just a joke.

It sometimes scares me how i have to change myself in order to go outside or to go to the beach, when i take a metro in Paris at 9 in the evening and i’m scared, i’m scared because I’m all alone and there are a group of guys shouting things at me like ‘hey baby let’s have some fun tonight’,

And if i tell this to my friends they will ask me what i was wearing… How can what i wear be relevant to how i’m being treated sometimes?

Why should it matter if i wear high heels? or if i wear a low cut top?, if i say no, the answer is no.

I salute the woman that go out there and walk into the metro wearing whatever they feel like, especially since summer in Paris can be very humid and hot, while i appreciate most of my friends helping me when i’m alone, i’m also sad that this is what it came to these days. When i did a photoshoot 4 years ago with a friend photographer the idea was to do a super uber sexy photoshoot, just to show my femaleness and be me, i got a shower of comments after that from mostly females i must say, saying i was took sexy, saying that i should take the photos down from Instagram or Facebook, saying that i should cover up more (note, i was in a bikini on most of the photos, there was literally nothing you could see on the photos that was explicit) and i still got these sort of comments,… I like to be sexy when i can, i like wearing agent provocateur lingerie and wear clothes that could show a little skin, this does not mean at all that it’s ok to call me things, or to shout things at me when you’re drunk, this does not mean that i want you. This does not mean that i’m only thinking about one thing. This means, that i’m a woman and i do be or have whatever i want.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass.

— Maya Angelou

 

The good life 

The good life 

Of what does a good life consists? 

Some seem to think its when you have a lot of money, or that BMW you so desperately wanted with a big house to park it infront.

But is that really all that it takes to live a good life? To have a good life? 

I feel as though i will have to disagree with that statement, i fear as though if you are rich and that is all you have you are emotionally poor, i believe that happiness starts with how you feel everyday when you wake up, is it a good feeling? Or do you feel as though you’re living your life in a treadmill, keep on going to keep a roof over head.

But let me tell you… living life like that is not happiness nor is it living the good life…

Happiness, the good life is when you count your blessings more than you count your burdens, when you appreciate what has been given to you in this life so far, when you show gratitude for what you already have and keep a positive attitude about the future. 

A good life to me consists in being able to make love to someone you think is the most beautiful thing in the world, and loving them each and every day.

A good life consists out of not being afraid to ask for what you want in this life but don’t be afraid to go after that what it is you want either. As a saying goes in Belgium ‘You’ve already got a no you might as well go for a yes as while you’re at it’.

A good life consists in being surrounded by the people you love, forgive them if they make mistakes, love them anyway. 

A good life consists in eating good food, try cooking, if you hate it, let someone else cook for you, go to a nice restaurant and indulge yourself in the absolutely magical flavours the world has to offer.

A good life consists for me in laughing often, and in caring for others.

A good life consists to me in doing something you love. Too many people ignore their dreams and do not chase them out of fear of failing at it. Do not be afraid… ever in your life. My dad always says to me ‘Even if you’re afraid it will happen anyway, so don’t be afraid’. 

I once read a quote and i cannot remember who said it but it goes something like this: ‘You can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance and try something you do want’. 

A good life to me consists in having fun, having fun on a daily basis

A good life consist in enjoying a nice glass of wine or prosecco or champagne, spoil yourself often. You deserve it.

A good life consists in loving others, dance often, laugh always and never be too afraid to do something. 

A good life consists in reading books, any sort of books wheter it be comic books or novels or poetry books. 

The good life most of all consists in loving hard and appreciate the little things in life and do not take anything that is given to you for granted. 

“One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and, if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words”.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“Find your focus by seeking all that is good in your life”.

Lorii Myers, Make It Happen.